No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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