you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
