ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
