is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
