He kissed a someone with a penis
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
