My nipple is on Facebook.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
