How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
