Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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