So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
