But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
