Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dear god my vagina.
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