tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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