I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
