if only i could text you this smell
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
