haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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