im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
