a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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