Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
