ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
