Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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