Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
