so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
