I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
