just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
