There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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