I want to walk on stilts...naked
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
