I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
