very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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