I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
