He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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