Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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