guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
