Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
