just tell him i said nine months
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
