I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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