i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
