I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
