Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
