My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
