Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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