I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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