Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
