I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
my liver is dry heaving
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
