Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
