i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
