Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
a search helicopter?!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
