I need help removing her.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
3 2 1 whiskey
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
