The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
