He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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