Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
