I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
