Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
