xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
