Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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