I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
