dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
