they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
