Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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