My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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